NEW CHAMPION: Irelia, the Well Endowed Ionian
 
Passive: Well Endowed Ionian: SO MANY SHADES OF PINK.
 
Q: Pewbewbs: Lazers will fire from her breasts dealing 177/250/400/600/9000 (+2,4) damage.
 
W: Large Sweater Midgets
-You don't even want to know.
-Seriously.
- I kinda do....
-Same....
 
E: Nipplon Icchi: Stabs all nearby enemies with nipple-swords, dealing 80/120/160/240/320 nipple damage. (+0.0000003 NP)
Cooldown: Depends on temperature. (Winter map being lowest.) Also decreased by chilled effects
 
Ultimate: Bring All the Boys to the Yard: All male champions (except Taric and Ezreal) and Poppy are now stunned for 4/5/6 seconds, while all female champions taunted for the same duration.
 
 
 
Akali
 
- Spell Cooldowns now refresh whenever fighting Gangplank or Miss Fortune.
- Sideboob size increased to keep up with boob creep.
 
Alistar
 
- Headbutt now stuns for two seconds when target hits a wall
- Fixed a bug where Alistar would not die when Unbreakable Will was active
- Fixed a bug where Triumphant Roar would actually heal allies.
- Fixed a bug where you could actually milk those.
 
Amumu
 
- New passive: Friendship.
- Now becomes happy for 10 seconds after hugging a champion. This increases his stats by 50% of the friends stats. Double effect if used on Annie.
 
Annie
 
-Tibbers now visible to all players on the map.
-Teen Annie skin is now default. ESRB was about to give the game AO rating
-Whenever her stun is up her next spell does 50% more damage.
-Boob size increased to keep up with boob creep.
-New Annie Skin: South Park Raisins-Girl Annie
 
Cho'Gath
 
- Now get full if he eats too often. If he continues to eat he will explode even if he eats a waffer thin mint.
- Can no longer hide in a brush when at max size. Brush size scales accordingly instead.
 
Elementz
 
- Nerfed Tier List to make Evelynn Tier 1
 
Evelynn
 
- Fixed a bug where Evelynn was avaible as a League of Legends champion
- Announcer now laughs whenever you pick Evelynn
 
Ezrael
 
- Fixed bug where Ezreal was misspelled as Ezrael.
- No longer needs a map.
- Ezrael skills now all have blinks
 
Fiddlesticks
 
- All of Crowstorm's damage now gets applied instantly.
- The range of Crowstorm now scales with Fiddles AP. It becomes global at 100 AP.
 
Frankydizzle
 
- Widdlyscuds?
 
Galio
 
-Idol of Durand now affects allies.
- Enemies now move faster while walking along Righteous Gust.
- Righteous Gust now blinds champions and neutrals walking against the wind
- Enemies and allies now walk more slowly while walking in the opposite direction of Righteous Gust.
- If opponent is caught in Resolute Smite, Galio and his opponent engage in a staring match. The first to move gets hit for massive damage.
 
Garen
 
- Perseverance reworked: Now increases health regen while standing still. Additionally, Garen goes invisible if he stands still for 3 seconds.
- Garen adds 20% to his attack damage when he stands in a brush.
- Voiceover. All he shouts now is DEMACIAAAA!
- Garen now vomits if he spins too often. If he vomits, the enemy's damage is reduced by 50% and slowed for 30 seconds.
- DEMACIBLAAAARGH
 
Gragas
 
- Fixed a bug where pathing worked after using drunken rage
- Gargas model has been slightly altered to show more amounts of cellulite
- If Gragas walks into a champion while drinking, they will become bros for the rest of the night.
 
Heimerdinger
 
- Fixed a bug where turrets sometimes attacked enemy champions instead of minions
 
Katarina
 
- Fixed a bug where Katarina couldn't Shunpo to herself
- Bouncing Blades (due to the writer of this inputting the wrong ability, he has been sacked and replaced by a competent writer. Please ignore the following) can no longer be interrupted, but randomly ends itself to make it more RNG.
- Bouncing blades can now crit. Crit chance depends on the phase of the moon.
 
Kennen
 
- Spell Cooldowns now refresh whenever fighting Gangplank or Miss Fortune.
- Renamed Electric Wave to Thundershock.
- Renamed Lightning Rush to Volt Tackle.
- Renamed Thundering Shuriken to Thunderbolt.
- Renamed Slicing Maelstorm to Thunder.
- Passive Renamed to Thunder Armor. Complaints that this made no sense were met with agreement.
- Kennen now renamed to Pikachu. At level 18, Name changes to Raichu. Im not gonna Raichu a love song.
 
Lux
 
-Added more pop culture references. Made her even worse when compared to Morgana.
-FEMACIAAAAAA!
- Finales Funkeln can now be fired twice in a row to look more like a double rainbow. ~ALL THE WAY; ACROSS THE SKY~
- Finales Funkeln can now be charged for up to 10 seconds. Charging increases the hitbox and damage dealt to up to 300%.
- Reworked model to include bigger breasts.
- Reworked model to make Lux look more kawaii (different colour eyes, a ": 3" face, larger eyes)
- Reworked model to include a nice hat.
- Reworked model to include Crownguard's signature cleft chin.
- Reworked model to include Camera Beard.
 
Malzahar
 
- Voidlings no longer expire over time and eventually become Cho'Gaths.
- Maximum amount of voidlings can be out at one time. Up to 9001.
- Malzahar's name has changed to Malzaherp
- Increased movement speed from 300 to 700. He will no longer be known as Slowzahar.
 
Malphite
 
- Fixed a bug where Malphite looks like a giant turd.
- Just kidding!
- Changed his name to Malfight.
- Made his ultimate really unstopable. It will now destroy any terrain in the way of his charge. Unless he hits Taric, in which case he stops instantly and begins running in the opposite direction.
 
Mr Shiny
 
- Fixed a bug where he'd come to team fights instead of pushing the other side of the map like he's supposed to.
- Attempted to reduce failure but it did not succeed.
- Brain replaced with Yi Bot to ensure success.
- No longer has any champs but Yi available at champ select. This speeds up the lobby wait time.
- If Master Yi is banned in Draft mode, now automatically queue dodges.
 
Morgana
 
- Still OP.
- Fixed a bug where people cared.
- Tried to nerf Black Shield, but it blocked it
 
Mundo
 
- Fixed a bug where he would occasionally not go where he pleased. All champions able to prevent this were removed from the game immediately.
-Arm strength buffed. Cleaver is now global range.
-Always be cleavin'.
- League of Legends acquired by Mundo Incorporated. All champions now outfitted with cleavers.
- Cleavers now infect people hit with Mundo disease. People affected with Mundo disease are transformed into Mundo.
 
Nasus
 
- If Siphon Strike gets over 9000 damage the game is automatically won by his team.
- Siphon Strike now gains 4 bonus damage when the killing blow is landed on an enemy champion.
- A CD with Nasus talking sexily is now available at the Store. Edit: Temporarily removed while Paypal capacity is upgraded. Kept crashing.
- Nasus is henceforth known as Nassus.
- Wither duration increased to 12 seconds
- Furry of the Sands now incorporates Destiny and Requiem.
- Nasus's Requiem now hits buildings.
- Woof. Woof. Woof.
 
Olaf
 
- New voice over done by Frat member
- New classic model now includes popped collar.
- Renamed to Brolaf
- Remade Brolaf's dance so he C-Walks badly. DOOOUUUCHE!
 
Opiyel Guabiran
 
- Totally wants a PSP plox.
- Please? Someone give me a PSP!
- Fixed a bug where Opiyel had no tact
- Fixed a bug where Opiyel is scared to send drunk emails to get dates.
- Fixed a bug where Opiyel would not get drunk.
- DAMMIT RELARMANE!!
- Hot Fixed a bug where Opiyel would get upset at his recent buffs.
- Champ removed. Was too OP(iyel).
- Mourns not summoning Opiyel more
- Fixed a bug where people cared
 
Pantheon
 
- Fixed a bug where Pantheon would do damage when using a spell or autoattacking
- Reworked default skin to no longer include clothing. (Gross) (hawt)
- Gave Pantheon a voice-over oozing with Freudian symbolism.
 
Phreak
 
- Fixed a bug where you could get on Phreak's level.
- Fixed it so i am now above Phreak's level.
The writer of this statement was permabanned for hacking. Only possible explanation.
 
Rammus
 
- Fixed a bug with Puncturing Taunt that would cause it to actually taunt people that have merc treads. It now has no effect on a champ with awesome boots.
- Fixed a bug where Powerball was going too slow.
- Powerball reworked: Impact no longer stops Powerball. Instead, targets hit get knocked up for 1.5 seconds and get hit for 60/100/140/180/220 (+0,7 AP) damage.
- Tremors now applies an AOE slow. This is fixing an oversight by designer's that champions can move while the earth is roiling beneath them.
- Powerball's damage increases with movement speed.
 
Roku
 
- Changed name to Broku
- Fixed a bug where he wasn't livestreaming
- LIFEDRAIN!!!
- Attack speed increases when giggling.
- Fixed a bug where Mundo was performing 2.0x as well for Roku as he was for everyone else. A developer accidentally put a decimal point between the 2 and the 0. Roku carries who he pleases.
-When queued with Heko instantly starts the game by saying Fu*k Heko.
-Repeats this statement every minute for the rest of the game
-Effectivenes
 
Shaco
 
- Implementing a new system where Shaco players are sent an electric shock when they join in teamfights.
- If JitB's are left un-destroyed, at the end of their lifespan clones of Shaco pop out of the boxes.
 
Shen
 
- Feint now activates automatically if about to take damage from a skill.
- Stand United now casts itself when an ally is about to die thanks to Shen Bot.
- Stand United now shields all allies when activated.
- Stand United can now shield Baron if the enemy team is about to kill it.
- Spell Cooldowns now refresh whenever fighting Gangplank or Miss Fortune.
- Stand United AP ratio changed to 10.0 from 1.0
 
Shurelia
 
- Now with +10 Kawaii-ness ^_^ : 3.
- Nerfed her ability to attract hordes of lonely white knights.
- Dark Shurelia removed from the game.
- You can't remove Dark Shurelia....
- When Jungling as Teemo, voiceover is replaced by Shurelia's voice
 
Singed
 
- Singed can now Fling himself
- After Singed Flings himself, the cooldown is lowered to 1 second, and he is sent four times farther than a normal fling.
- Singed can now Fling projectiles, ie. Ashes Arrow
- Poison trail now blows around with the newly added wind.
- Fixed a bug where Singed could be slowed or Stunned
 
Sona
 
- Made more frustrating to lane against. You'll just have to figure it out yourself.
- All abilities are now condensed into Q.
- Q range increased by 200 or so.
- Added Sona Bot. She puts Ryze Bot to shame.
 
Taric
 
- New passive: Gains 10% increased AD and mana regen for each male champion on his or the opposing team.
- Fixed a bug where Taric was not outrageous enough.
- His new /j is "Guys, I'm straight. No, seriously."
- ALWAYS I WANT TO BE WITH YOU
- AND MAKE BELIEVE WITH YOU
- AND LIVE IN HARMONY HARMONY OH LOVE!
 
Tryndamere
 
- Updated recommended items to AP based.
- Changed Spinning Slash's AP ratio to 2.0 from 1.0
- Battlefury changed to increase Magic Pen instead of Critical Chance.
- Mocking Shout reworked: Now deals 80/130/210/260/310 (+1.0 AP) damage over 3 seconds. AD reduction component removed.
- Duration on Undying Rage changed to scale with AP at a ratio of 0.1 AP per second.
- Can no longer be affected by Exhaust when his ultimate is active.
 
Twisted Fate
 
- Destiny now ignores spell shields.
- Fixed a bug where Twisted Fate's attack range was too high.
- Blue Card no longer actually does anything.
- Wild cards are now heat seeking. Can be evaded by using the torches on the map.
- The Announcer will now laugh at you when you select a blue card and annouce your mistake to all other players.
- Fixed a bug where the house ocassionally lost.
 
Urgot
 
- Nobody gives a sh*t.
- Still, Hyper-Kinetic Position Reverser is global now.
- NO. D:<
- Fixed a bug where Acid Hunter locked onto targets that are debuffed by Noxian Corrosive Charge
- Urgot will be replaced with Plant King next patch.
 
Veigar
 
- Veigar's hidden wizard penis is now visible upon the slaying of Baron by Veigar's ultimate
 
ViVr
 
- Fixed a bug where ViVr could organize stuff.
 
Xin Zhao
 
- Fixed a bug where Xin Zhao would die when brought to 0 HP
- Will now make out with Garen if he's on the team. Increasing his attack damage by 50%. (No homo) (YES homo) (Clearly no Homo)
 
Zilean
 
- Rewind is now castable on allies, turning them into baby DINOSAURS THAT SHOOT LASER CHAINSAWS WHEN THEY ROAR. aka Jesse Perring's Abs.
- Chronoshift no longer disappears if the target dies. Duration increased to 18.63/21.0439/24.069. All other numbers were found to be unplayable.
 
 
Items
 
Zhonya's Ring
- Active Duration increased to 10 seconds.
 
- Hextech Revolver: New unique active. Shoots target enemy for 250 damage. 20 seconds cooldown.
- Malady cost reduced to 300 Gold.
- Malady now no longer does anything besides prompt the Announcer to say "This game's average ELO is clearly below 400"
 
Executioner's Calling.
- Buying this item now immediately places a 50% healing reduction on all units on the map. Effect stacks up to 10 times.
 
New Item
-Ion Cannon
- Immediately kills an enemy champion and creates an allied ghost of them that never
dies and has 3 times the enemy's stats.
- Only usable if Tiamat is in your inventory. Twice.
- Ghosts are now stackable.
 
New Item: Trojan Horse Wienerschnitzel
- Disintegrates all of target's equipment. 5 second cooldown.
 
New Skins
- Frat Olaf
- MANtheon
- Crossdressing Ezrael.
- G-String Taric
- Lucky Star Lux
- Ordinary Magician Lux
- Naked Ashe. Must pass an age check before it's visible. Can be purchased without Age Check.
- Naked Pantheon. Ohwait, he's already naked.
- Teen Annie.
- Pitching Machine Kog'Maw
- Cheneygot
- Nude Teemo
 
System
 
- Testing out a new system where all unique passives aren't unique anymore.
- Can now gift items to members of your team, for half the price.
 
PvP Net
 
- Fixed a couple bugs. HAHA JUST KIDDING
- Leaving a game now adds five wins to your record.
- Fixed a bug where servers wouldn't crash after a patch.
- Made the client faster sometimes, but much slower the rest of the time. Enjoy.
- Shows patching annimation upon start every time. Must agree to ToS every time as well. And no Riot employee will ever comment on these "patches".
- Elo inverted. Those of you in Elo hell have been saved. those in Elo Heaven have been damned.