1 Speak in improper English like ain’t, and when the teacher corrects, nod like you understand and continue to speak improperly.
2.
Randomly get out of your seat and sit on the floor.
3.
When it is very quiet, raise your hand and insist it is too loud.
4.
If the person next to you is quiet, turn and inform them that they are distracting you.
5.
When the teacher calls on you to answer the question, answer `Two ’
6.
Randomly raise your hand and say “The answer is three ”
7.
Give your teacher a note that uses improper English and misspelled words. Have the note insisting that you are `the most bestest’ in the class and demand to be moved up.
8.
During a test, tell the teachers `the voices’ are making you cheat
9.
Color red dots all over your arm and show the teacher, and tell her/him that you are allergic to School.
10.
Talk about the road kill squirrel you saw on your way to school. Say that it is your dinner. Talk in a redneck voice.
11.
Take out sock puppets and play with them, and occasionally have them grab your classmate’s hair. When the teacher looks, keep the sock on your hand and point to your classmate and tell the teacher that the classmate is attacking you with puppets
12.
If your teacher walks around the room during the test, cover your test and glare at them suspiciously.
13.
If your teacher walks around the room during a test, raise your hand and tell the teacher that they are cheating off you.
14.
When the teacher calls on you to answer a question, talk in a creepy voice and say `I’ll never tell’ and a few questions later raise your hand and ask why you haven’t been allowed to answer a question yet.
15.
Ask to go to the bathroom. Stay in your seat, and when asked if you are going, say `I just did’
16.
Raise your hand and point to a person on the other side of the room. Insist that that person is cheating off you.
17.
Say that someone across the room is using their telepathic (mind-reading) abilities to cheat off of you.
18.
Ask to go to the bathroom. Get up and walk into the wall. Furrow your brow, glare at the wall and walk into it again. Smile sheepishly and then walk out the door.
19.
When coming back from bathroom, walk through the door. Then ask how you got there.
20.
Raise your hand and ask if you can be excused to skip class.
21.
Meow and bark occasionally.
22.
Hold your head and groan, then tell your teacher that your multiple personalities are fighting.
23.
Walk into class and look around confused. Ask where you are, then say “Oh, this is school I thought this was McDonalds
24.
Read a book, and when class starts, raise your hand and say that they are interrupting your reading
25.
Stumble into class, slur your words and tell your teacher `I swear to drunk I’m not God ’
26.
Bring handcuffs into class and wear a plastic fake police badge. Tell your teacher that he/she is under arrest.
27.
Walk into class with handcuffs on your wrist and say “Sorry for being late, I just broke out of prison.” (even if you aren’t late)
28.
Meow to answer a question
29.
Raise your hand and introduce everyone to your imaginary friend Bob. Then loudly whisper to Bob saying that you hate this class.
30.
Chew gum in class. If teacher says `I hope you brought enough for everybody’ take out packs of gum and start passing out gum.
31.
Smack gum loudly. When told to throw it out, take out the gum and hold in on your finger. Then insist you don’t have any gum, and put it back in your mouth.
32.
Stand up and introduce yourself at the beginning of class (even though everyone knows you). Inform everyone that you have had `the problem’ for three years now. Then act confused and ask if the class is Alcoholics Anonymous.
33.
Shove your heaviest book off your desk. Repeat. Glare at someone else every time the teacher looks.
34.
Cry out randomly that everyone is against you.
35.
Tell your teacher there is a disturbance the Force
36.
Make a cone shape out of paper and glue red tissue paper to the top. Scribble/draw red and orange all over it. Wear it on your head and tell everyone that you’re a volcano.
37.
Tell your teacher you don’t need to do your homework because you’re skipping school tomorrow.
38.
Tell your teacher that you’re going to be sick tomorrow.
39.
In anything but foreign language class (if you have one), speak in a foreign language.
40.
Write `Gullible’ on a piece of paper. Tape that piece of paper to the floor, ceiling, or chalkboard. Then tell everyone there is gullible written on the ___(floor ceiling or chalkboard). If they don’t believe you point, then say `Made you look ’
41.
Randomly laugh hysterically
42.
Yell out STOP DROP AND ROLL
43.
Tell your teacher to get ready to evacuate the school, for you are going to pull a fire alarm
44.
Write `objects in mirror are dumber than they appear’ on a small mirror. Ask people if they need to borrow your mirror.
45.
Do the above, except on the bathroom mirrors.
46.
Wear tissues on your head
47.
Come into class with sunglasses, and pretend to shoot at your teacher with your fingers. Then loudly whisper `Sorry, I had to get rid of the alien scum’
48.
Pass around a petition against petitions
49.
Raise your hand, act terrified and cry, saying `You didn’t have to be so mean ’
50.
If someone speaks over the intercom, curl up in fetal position under your desk and say `It’s the voices again.’
51.
Hum `If your happy and you know it’ loudly then randomly start to cry
52.
Try to get your class to sing “We don’t need no education”
53.
Randomly get up and run a lap around the room, then sit down and act as if nothing had happened.
54.
Get up and get a tissue, then just stand and stare at the tissue. If asked what you are doing by the teacher, claim that you are having a staring contest with the tissue and you’re sure you are about to win.
55.
Pretend to slap a fly and then go `mmmm snack time’
56.
Lead your class in a sing-a-long.
57.
Poke the person sitting next to you repeatedly until they get angry, then blame it on your imaginary friend.
58.
Go into class, and then run to the window. Sadly proclaim that your imaginary friend just committed suicide.
59.
Invent an imaginary hamster. Ask everyone if they would like to hold him.
60.
In a creepy voice say to everyone `You will die in seven days’ Act like nothing had happened.
61.
(If in a school that requires uniforms) Loudly talk about how one person’s uniform is `so two minutes ago’ (even though you are wearing the same thing)
(If in a school with no uniforms) Put on a weird shirt and loudly whisper about everyone’s bad fashion sense.
62.
Raise your hand and wave it around like you know the answer. Then ask the teacher why they called on you.
63.
Raise your hand and wave it eagerly like you know the answer. Do this for every question. When called on, answer every question `Abraham Lincoln.’
64.
Make up a language and when no one understands it act like they are crazy.
65.
Laugh hysterically and proclaim `You shall all perish Perish I say ’ Act like nothing had happened.
66.
Try to hold a swordfight with rulers.
67.
Ask to go to the bathroom. Get up, run into the wall and pretend to faint. Lay there until someone runs over to help you up, then walk out the door to go to the bathroom.
68.
Purposely drop your pen. Ask someone to pick it up, and when they do defensively say `That’s mine ’
69.
Read with your textbook upside-down.
70.
Bring in a pillow and explain “The desk is too hard for sleeping.”
71.
Bring in a pillow and lie in the aisle and pretend to go to sleep.
72.
Walk down the aisle and pretend someone tripped you. Glare at that person for the rest of class.
73.
Get up to sharpen your pencil or find a tissue, then stand up there and look around. Then cry out `I’m lost ’
74.
Create a map of the classroom. Use the map whenever you need to find your seat or a tissue or the pencil sharpener.
75.
Carefully place the tissue box in a certain spot at the beginning of class. In class, scream or gasp and run over to the tissue box, acting like it was moved. Carefully fix it.
76.
Repeat.
77.
Ask if you can teach the class.
78.
Draw caricatures of your teacher. Sign the paper with a classmate’s name/initials. Leave the pictures on the classmate’s desk.
79.
Act jittery all class, shaking and twitching. Recoil whenever someone passes or tries to touch you.
80.
Knit.
81.
Start a poker game. Try to get your teacher to join.
82.
Wear Mardi Gras beads and a party hat, and throw confetti into the air when school lets out.
83.
Talk about your dream job as a janitor.
84.
Bring a bottle to school. Drink out of it all day. Cry if it gets confiscated.
85.
Act like you’re in the army, saluting to teachers and calling them ma’am and sir. March everywhere.
86.
Poke someone.
87.
Twice.
88.
Bring crutches to school.
89.
Ask your teachers if they find sick pleasure in tormenting you.
90.
If a teacher isn’t already in the classroom, when they enter, inform them that they are late and should report to the principal.
91.
Put raisins over your teeth and grin widely at everyone you meet.
92.
When you get homework, stand up, outraged, and yell that you’re going to sue.
93.
Convince someone to pretend to be your lawyer. Bring them to school the following day.
94.
Dress up as the Phantom of the Opera or Dracula or other cape wearing people. Swish your cape.
95.
A lot.
96.
Whenever the bell rings or an ambulance/police car passes, yell about the pigs coming to get you, and run out of the classroom.
97.
Like, say `like,’ like, a lot…like
98.
Speak with an accent, love.
99.
Do the chicken dance.
100.
If any of these get you in trouble, grumble loudly about how you hate Sharpies.
101.Count how many times the professor uses ?uh,? ?umm,? or ?like? during an entire lecture.
102.Try to hold your breath for as long as you can without passing out. Time yourself. Record your time. Repeat.
103.Do aerobic exercises in your head so that by the end of the day, you can think to yourself how ?athletic? you were today.
104.Write a play about an angry lobster, a happy penguin, and an evil genius.
105.Plug your ears and try to see if you can lip-read what the professor is saying.
106.Look at all the dots in the ceiling and try to find your favorite cartoon character.
107.Arm wrestle/play thumb war with yourself and accuse your right arm/left thumb of cheating.
108.Come up with a list of all the words you can make out of the letters in ?smorgasbord.?
109.Say a word silently to yourself (e.g. ?broccoli?) so many times that it loses meaning. Then try to remember what it meant in the first place.
110.Draw a flipbook at the bottom right corner of your notebook.
)
Bac en 2000
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