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Anglais correction svp

n°512291
lulu1651
Posté le 15-10-2005 à 15:59:33  profilanswer
 

bonjour, j'ai un compte rendu à faire en anglais sur un texte que j'ai fais. donc j'aimerais que quelqu'un me le corrige svp. Je met le texte et le compte rendu. Dites moi ce que vous en pensez, ce que vous rajouteriez ect... Merci par avance
 
voici le compte rendu:
 
This extract is documentary which was written by Esther Addley and was on adapted by The Guardian (the célébre English newspaper) August 15, 2002.
In this report we will see initially for which reasons the town council of Liverpool sets up new rules on the e-mail sending, and in the second time we will analyze with what A was used this rule as restriction of e-mail sending.
 
The Liverpool city council decides to set up a restriction of sending of E mall Wednesday. Indeed, he finds that the number of e mails has sky rocketed (“e mail traffichad doubled un six mounth”). As a result people fell dominated and under pressure. The council finds that the employees pass far too much from time to answer to the E malls which they receive on their computers.
 
But which are the repercusions of this restriction?
 
The council aims at making the place, efficiency and productivity and not to waste time on Internet because there are much advertising and Junk mail.
So, this restriction was used to answer directly and more quickly the customer rather than to put side work. Moreover, this solution allured several person since this restriction had successes insane in the others authorities.
 
I think that this solution is a good idea to make it possible to the personnel their to recall that they are with their work and that they are not in their office to speak or play on Internet...
 
 
Words:210
=========================================
Voici le texte
YOU'VE GOT NO MAIL
Three weeks ago, the staff at Liverpool city council, ail 19,500 of them, were informed of a new workplace rule: Every Wednesday ail internal e-mail communication would be banned. They would not be allowed to set up meetings, forward documents or arrange assignations in the pub, by sending an e-mail to their colleagues. Instead they would have to relearn forgotten skills and pick up the phone, or walk to each other's desks, for a conversation.
"It all started because our e-mail traffic had doubled in six months," says David Henshaw, the chief executive of the city council, "and there seemed to be some evidence that people were feeling oppressed by technology. E-mail was becoming the new filing; people were sending mails to say, "l've passed this on to you." So Henshaw decided "to have a little fun with it". The 100,000 e-mails handled each day by the council's server have plummeted by 70% mid-week. Henshaw says his own Wednesday traffic has dropped from 250 to 25.
It has been a few years since the demise of e-mail was first predicted, as workers began to gripe about the increasing silly volume of messages they were expected to read and process each day. Many employees now spend two or more hours a day dealing with their mail, a third of which, according to a survey last year is junk e-mail. But the medium appears to be in rude health, proliferating merrily, to the exasperation of those who do actually like to get some work donc each day.
So could Liverpool have the solution? The council insists the initiative was not primarily about easing the workload of its staff, the intention was to snake the place more efficient for "customers". "We don't want people using e-mail and thinking, 'If I copy in about 10 people then l've moved the action - it's no longer my responsibility'," says Pauline Owens, thé council's e-government manager. "Plus, people get into the habit of logging on straight away, and any-thing that comes through on e-mail is dealt with first. That isn't what business is about."
E-government, she explains, is about "e-enabling services" - making as many as the council's functions as possible accessible via the Internet. Doesn't that rather contradict the aim of reducing e-mail traffic? Apparently not, since e-mails from customers are still allowed on Wednesdays;  
Liverpool now sells its services to other authorities, and it has been awarded "beacon council" status, meaning that it is a national leader in pro-viding certain services. The business process has been "re-engineered". "It's about thé organisation internally," gushes Owens, "about making ourselves think better and work smarter."
Esther Addley, adapted from The Guardian,  

mood
Publicité
Posté le 15-10-2005 à 15:59:33  profilanswer
 

n°512421
Philactos
Posté le 15-10-2005 à 21:35:32  profilanswer
 

lulu1651 a écrit :

bonjour, j'ai un compte rendu à faire en anglais sur un texte que j'ai fais. donc j'aimerais que quelqu'un me le corrige svp. Je met le texte et le compte rendu. Dites moi ce que vous en pensez, ce que vous rajouteriez ect... Merci par avance
 
voici le compte rendu:
 
This extract is a documentary which was written by Esther Addley and was on adapted by The Guardian (the célébre English newspaper) August 15, 2002.


 
Je suis pas une ponte anglais mais déjà je peux te dire que célèbre en anglais c'est famous. Sinon pour le reste il me semble qu'il y a quelques erreurs de syntaxes. Je laisse la parole aux adeptes de la langue de shakespeare

n°512433
lulu1651
Posté le 15-10-2005 à 22:10:20  profilanswer
 

merci beaucoup


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