I thought we'd be together only in death.

Maybe it's written.

C'est votre dernier mot....?

- In 1994 while on weekend manoeuvres in France, I commandeered a Chieftain tank without the permission of my immediate superiors. I then attempted to invade Paris. However, en route I stopped off at Disneyland, or Eurodisney as it was then called, and was subsequently apprehended on Space Mountain.
- Do you have any explanation as to why you might have done this?
- Well sir, at the time, I was suffering from serious emotional problems that had clearly affected my judgement. I had immersed myself in a fantasy world of my own creation and as a result I became very insular and uncommunicative.
- Why do you think that was?
- [Shrugs] I dunno.

- How long have you been unemployed, Mr Bisley?
- [checks watch] About an hour and a half.
- Have you been looking for work?
- [laughs, then sees she's serious] Um, no.
- Why did you leave your last job?
- Got fired.
- Why?
- [nonchalantly] Uh, a difference of opinion...
- The Phantom Menace?
- [pauses, then, surprised] Yeah...
- Didn't you like it?
- [cautiously] No...
- Well, [taps nose conspiratorially] you leave this with me. I'll get you some money out in the next few days.

   Brian: Can I borrow a tea-bag?
    Tim: [sarcastically] Only if you bring it back. [pauses] You can HAVE a tea-bag, Brian, you can't borrow one. [turns around, sees Brian dressed as a painting] You've got paint on you.
    Brian: It's a literal tribute to the self reflexivity of Rembrandt.
    Tim: Did he like it?
    Brian: He's dead.
    Tim: Bloody hell, that really backfired.
    Brian: What are you playing?
    Tim: Tomb Raider 3.
    Brian: She's drowning.
    Tim: Yeah.
    Brian: Is that the point of the game?
    Tim: Depends what mood you're in really.
    Brian: What sort of mood are you in then?
    Tim: Well, I got a letter from my ex-girlfriend this morning, 3 months too late, explaining why she dumped me. It was full of 'you'll always be special' and 'I'll always love you' platitudes designed to make me feel better whilst simultaneously appeasing her deep seated sense of guilt for dumping me, running off with a slimy little city boy called Duane and destroying my faith in everything which is good and pure.
    Brian: So it didn't really work then.
    Tim: No, it made me wanna drown things!

   [About ending his relationship with Sarah]
    Tim: I just had a moment of clarity, you know, I woke up. It's like... you know when you have an orgasm on your own? [Daisy looks increasingly disgusted and uncertain during the following:] You know, you're sort of lying on the sofa watching some porn movie you bought on a drunken lonely night in Soho, and you're lying there and everything's going really great, you're getting totally turned on by these absurdly graphic images, everything seems so right, and suddenly - phht! Bingo! You wake up. And you're lying there sweating, desperately looking for the tissue which you know is still in your pocket, and the remote control which is somewhere on the floor, and it's like walking in on yourself, you know? It's just like "What you doing?" That's how I felt tonight feeling my heart miss a beat everytime the door opened. "What the fuck are you doing?"
    Daisy: Well, that's... love, isn't it? Load of old wank.