How To Crash  
 
Adapted from a post by Ian Stevenson on the mc-usa forums
Now before some of you regulars start waffling on about not crashing in the first place, this thread is designed to help when fate overtakes desire and you end up tasting tarmac.  
 
There are several ways to crash but your reactions to all of them will be pretty much the same.  
 
The low side. This is usually the least painful, both to you and to your bike. The cause is a terminal loss of grip, causing the bike to slide away from under you. The most likely reason is a change of grip in the road surface or simply leaning over too far.  
 
When this happens it is vital for you to RELAX. In fact, relaxation is the single most important part of crashing. Lay back and think of something nice; don't worry about the sparks coming from your bike and try not to think about being hurt. The reason for relaxing is that your body slows much quicker when floppy and you can have time to consider your surroundings.  
 
Try and maintain awareness of your surroundings; where is the bike? If it is in front of you then no problem. If behind then it may hit you. After a low side the bike is usually in front and poses little or no threat to you. If it is behind then you may have to consider trying to push it away from you.  
 
On no account must you try and stand up before sliding to a halt. Many limbs are broken this way as people misjudge their speed. The only exception to this rule is to avoid imminent danger from oncoming traffic. When you finish sliding, take a moment to do a quick check of yourself. If you judge that nothing is badly damaged then you can think about getting up and surveying the damage.  
 
The high side. This is the one that can hurt. The dynamics of this crash are that the rear tyre slides, then suddenly grips again. The result is that the rider is tossed off the top of the bike with great force (dependant on speed and lean angle). To be honest, you will not have much time to think when this happens.  
 
About the only thing you can do to minimize the damage is to RELAX again. It is probably going to hurt as you have the vertical dimensions of the drop to add to the horizontal components of the speed of the crash. If you are lucky you will land fairly flat and on a nice soft verge. If that happens then the rules for the low side apply. Pay special attention to where the bike might be as it could conceivably be tumbling through the air right towards you. After years of race marshalling I can state quite categorically that most of the worst accidents are high sides followed by the bike hitting the rider.  
 
There's not a lot you can do to protect yourself from a flying bike. Don't crunch up into a ball or foetal position as this places your spine in an excellent position for being broken. Cover your face with your arms, especially if you are crazy enough to ride with no helmet or one of those stupid beanies. Think about minimizing the damage; better a broken arm than a broken neck or fractured skull.  
 
The Impact. This one is also likely to hurt! This is a very common kind of accident often caused by inattention on the part of other road users. Anybody mention cell phones? The bike usually hits the side of the car resulting in unscheduled flying lessons.  
 
There are a few things you can do to minimize the damage here, but they will require split second thinking on your part. Try and ingrain your possible reactions to any type of crash into your conscious and sub-conscious minds every time you get on the bike. You will not have time to try and remember this stuff when it happens so try and make it instinctive.  
 
If you are heading for the typical impact with the side of a car, try and stand up on the pegs just before impact. The reason for this is that you should sail over your bars and the car and are then looking at a similar situation to the high side above. The one advantage over the high side is that you will be flying in a fairly predictable arc. You will be going in the direction you were heading at the time of impact and generally not tumbling or twisting. If you get really lucky you might land on your feet, run a few paces then fall flat on your face. That happened to me a long time ago and I escaped totally unhurt.  
 
If you don't stand up before impact then you stand a very good chance of driving your helmet into the side or roof of the vehicle. You also are at serious risk of very bad leg injuries as you hit the bars (fellas should also think what the clocks can do to their family jewels).  
 
If the vehicle is very tall then standing up and flying over it is not going to work. If the impact is unavoidable then your only option may be to try and initiate a lay down of your bike. This will result in a low side for which the previous rules apply. If sliding under a truck you will need very sharp awareness to avoid your head ending up underneath the wheels. This does happen. To lay your bike down, stamp hard on the rear brake and lean hard to the side you want to fall. The back wheel should lock and the lean will cause it to slide from under you. As the bike starts to slide then steering hard into the direction of the slide should hasten matters along.  
 
After the crash you need to take stock of your situation. If you feel fine then by all means try to move. Check for movement at your extremities before going any further. If in doubt, lay there and don't move. Wait for the medics. They will ask you to remove your own helmet. If you cannot do that then they will do it for you. I hope there are 2 of them because that is really how many you need to do this safely.