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No warranties, either express or implied, are hereby given for anything provided by the Chakra Project ("Software" ). All software is supplied as is, without any guarantee. The user assumes all responsibility for damages resulting from the use of the software, including, but not limited to, frustration, disgust, system abends, disk head-crashes, general malfeasance, floods, fires, shark attack, locust infestation, cyclones, hurricanes, tsunamis, local electromagnetic disruptions, hydraulic brake system failure, invasion, hashing collisions, normal wear and tear of friction surfaces, cosmic radiation, inadvertent destruction of sensitive electronic components, windstorms, the riders of nazgul, infuriated chickens, premature activation of a distant early warning system, peasant uprisings, halitosis, artillery bombardment, explosions, cave-ins, borg-assimilation, america bringing democracy to your country and/or frogs falling from the sky.

You may use a calculator, the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, and the Book of Mormon. The speed of light is c. Show all work. For all problems, assume a perfectly spherical Jesus of constant density D. No praying during the exam.

1. (20 pts.) Bob and Joe are standing on a street corner. God loves each an equal amount L. Bob then accelerates to .9c. In Joe's rest frame, how much does God now love Bob?
2. Sven, a Catholic, is in a state of grace. He then has sex with sheep S.
a. (8 pts.) What is Sven's atonement coefficient following the act if the sheep was not willing?
b. (12 pts.) What if the sheep, while not technically being willing, could not be said to mind either?
3. (20 pts.) Let the eternal, all abiding love of the Holy Spirit be the xy plane. Let Sue's soul be at (0,0,5) at t = 0 sec., traveling at 5 m/s in the direction of the positive z axis. Everything is in Cartesian coordinates bespeaking subscription to a perfectly rational Enlightenment attitude towards the Universe. At what time t will Sue be saved? (Hint: Assume a point soul.)

4. (20 pts.) Assume the Rapture occurs at time t. Cornelia, a saved human weighing 90 kg, in a state of grace, has her head in the closing jaws of an alligator at time t. What mass of meat will remain to the alligator at time t + 10 sec.?
5. Stan is a frictionless, massless Mormon in a rest state. His sin level for his faith is currently 11 McBeals. He eats .3 kg of pork, and enjoys it very much. Assume that the Jews are right about, well, pretty much everything.
a. (10 pts.) What is Stan's sin level now?
b. (10 pts.) Stan is one of them Salt Lake City Mormons. He ain't so damn smug now, is he?
Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine undergo transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord. How many Joules of heat are released by the transformation?

Hand in exam when done, and may God have mercy on your work.

Extra Credit (10 pts): 25 grams of wafers and 20 ml of cheap wine undergo transubstantiation and become the flesh and blood of our Lord. How many Joules of heat are released by the transformation?

The prosecutor is (essentially) saying in todays episode of #spectrial that internet should be shut down!

#spectrial Prosecution claims 64 adspaces on TPB. But there's two to four. And they count the earned money on number of adspaces

#spectrial Ifpi just did the impossible - described Piratbyrån in less then 2 seconds!

#spectrial Ifpi talks about a political document from the government and claims it to be a fair juridical basis

#spectrial And now Ifpi lies about the finnish case of Finnreactor. But he has not read it because it's in finnish

In the indictment, prosecutors estimated that The Pirate Bay earned about 1.2 million kronor per year.

“But my estimate is extremely low. The profits are much greater than that,” Roswall said on Monday, after which he cited new calculations showing that The Pirate Bay generates annual income of 11.6 million kronor.

After deducting expenses, The Pirate Bay’s yearly profit comes to around 10 million kronor, according to Roswall.

“And therefore The Pirate Bay isn’t some sort of charity operation. It’s a business,” he said.

Speaking during a break in the trial, Svartholm Warg, cast doubt on Roswall’s numbers.

“It’s totally absurd, those numbers are totally disconnected from reality,” he told the TT news agency.

Nevertheless, Svartholm Warg was surprised that prosecutors were only seeking a sentence of one year in prison.

“I was actually surprised that he’s only asking for one year, I’d expected two,” he said.

“The old bastard’s crazy.”

#
 
 
# According to inerrant Scripture, the Savior prayed alone in the garden while the three disciples who accompanied him had fallen asleep. How did the gospel writer know the words of that prayer?
 
   1. Jesus left them written down under a rock
   2. They were recorded on a primitive taping device
   3. The gospel writer was psychic
   4. The three disciples were later hypnotized and asked to recall the prayer

25. A great sadness has come into your life which you feel you cannot bear. A friend informs you of a free counseling service which has never failed to aid and comfort many others. You call the counselor; the phone rings and rings with no answer; you finally hang up. What is the most likely explanation?
 
   A. The counselor is sitting by the phone but not answering in order to test your faith in him
   B. The counselor always stands ready to hear your pleas for help, but sometimes the answer is "no"
   C. The counselor will not answer because he wants you to profit by the spiritual strength that only comes through suffering
   D. The counselor is not home

 
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