A: No, not again. I... why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to God, one of these days, I just kick this piece of shit out the window.
B: You and me both, man. That thing is lucky I'm not armed.
A: Piece of shit.

Good evening Sir, my name is S.. I come from a rough area. I used to be addicted to crack but now I am off it and trying to stay clean. That is why I am selling magazine subscriptions.

S: I lied. Um... All that stuff I said about being a crack head? It just helps me sell magazines. I'm actually an unemployed... software engineer.
P: You're a software engineer?
S: Yup.
[sighs]
R: Things, uh... it must be very rough for you.
S: Actually man, I make more money selling magazine subscriptions, than I ever did at Intertrode!

Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?

P: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.
Dr.: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?
P: Yeah.
Dr.: Wow, that's messed up.

P:The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.
Bob: Don't... don't care?
P: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see another dime; so where's the motivation? And here's something else, Bob: I have eight different bosses right now.
Bob: I beg your pardon?
P: Eight bosses.
Bob: Eight?
P: Eight, Bob. So that means that when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled; that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.