#719376 +(1168)- [X]
 
<cameltoe> Best resignation letter ever:
<cameltoe> Dear Mr X,
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I  know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you.........
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation.
However, I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad reference. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the company.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror n.de. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of reference. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the reference on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!
Wishing you a grand and glorious day'.
 
#719313 +(225)- [X]
 
<HuhWhat> Since everyone's comign clean about bad things... back when I was 15 or 16, my friend invited me along to a family trip to Palm Springs. We were staying at some motel with cable, so I figured it'd be a good opportunity to watch some Iron Chef on the Food Network. Unfortunately, he would drag me out to the hot springs and the pool where I, who can't swim, would usually be the butt of his little pranks. He would drag me down under into the deep end and jab his fingers into my rib to try to make me drown. Anyways, at around 9:00pm, we came back into our room to enjoy the instant noodles his parents were making. I snuck into bathroom to take a piss and while I was doing so I noticed his little sister's bathing suit hanging over curtains of the bathtub/shower. It seemed pretty clear that she had left it there after having taken her shower. I couldn't resist and hoping nobody was outside, I pulled it down and sniffed the crotch area where
<HuhWhat> Whoops.
<HuhWhat> Don't read that!
<HuhWhat> Fuck.
 
#719019 +(226)- [X]
 
<The831st> soy milk makes you gay
<The831st> everytime i drink soy milk i cant help but think "man, i'd much rather have a dick in my mouth than this."
 
#718916 +(349)- [X]
 
Chrono-Z >> So yeah I think I'm going to invent a bra bomb and pay some crazy hard up person to wear it into airport security so bras will be banned on flights, from that point it's just a matter of finding a good seat to watch from.
 
#718845 +(-185)- [X]
 
<Computer> Today Chuck Norris was released as a downloadable patch for Street Fighter. When asked about a glitch that made all buttons force his character to perform a roundhouse kick, he responded, "what glitch?"