| Configuration matérielle : |
| "Lisp is a programmable programming language." - John Foderaro, CACM, September 1991
"If you give someone Fortran, he has Fortran. If you give someone Lisp, he has any language he pleases" - Guy Steele "Any sufficiently complicated C or Fortran program contains an ad hoc informally-specified bug-ridden slow implementation of half of Common Lisp." - Philip Greenspun "We were not out to win over the Lisp programmers; we were after the C++ programmers. We managed to drag a lot of them about halfway to Lisp." - Guy Steele, Java spec co-author "Lisp doesn't look any deader than usual to me." - David Thornley, reply to a question older than most languages "SQL, Lisp, and Haskell are the only programming languages that I've seen where one spends more time thinking than typing." - Philip Greenspun "When you choose a language, you're also choosing a community. The programmers you'll be able to hire to work on a Java project won't be as smart as the ones you could get to work on a project written in Python. And the quality of your hackers probably matters more than the language you choose. Though, frankly, the fact that good hackers prefer Python to Java should tell you something about the relative merits of those languages." - Philip Greenspun "It's next to impossible for java code to evolve gracefully because the language doesn't allow it. Welcome to the COBOL of the 21st century you little monkeys. At least you have your fancy IDEs that can do half the thinking for you. Now if only corporate could get rid of the monkeys all together and replace them with really smart IDEs." - Ilsa "The best thing to happen Java is for Sun to silently start deprecating it." "People 'get' types. They use them all the time. Telling someone he can't pound a nail with a banana doesn't much surprise him." "Dynamic types are stronger than static types, as they don't flee the field at runtime." - Brian Foote "Java is Diet Cobol" - Brian Foote "XML is lisp with [devil's] horns" - Brian Foote "Static types give me the same feeling of safety as the announcement that my seat cushion can be used as a floatation device." - Don Roberts "Eclipse has a 'guess the button' user interface." - James Noble "XML is like violence: if it doesn't work, use more." "XML is a giant step in no direction at all." - Erik Naggum "Structure is nothing if it is all youve got. Skeletons spook people if they try to walk around on their own; I really wonder why XML does not." - Erik Naggum "If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in." - Bradley's Bromide "Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest." - Isaac Asimov "Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining." - Jef Raskin "The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents." - Nathaniel Borenstein "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." - Rich Cook "Computers are useless. They can only give you answers." - Pablo Picasso "If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside." - Robert X. Cringely "VB, much like generic beer and America's Funniest Home Videos is an enabling technology for stupid people. It allows stupid people to do stupid things on scale that they couldn't accomplish on their own. While using VB does not make you a dumb programmer, being a dumb programmer does make VB your weapon of choice. That is unless you really don't know what the fuck you are doing, then its PHP all the way." - Anonymous "C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs to a dog." - Steve Taylor "When C++ is your hammer, everything starts to look like your thumb." "Linux is free as in Syphilis." - Anonymous Coward "I think it would be a tragic statement of the universe if Java was the last language that swept through." - James Gosling "We flew down weekly to meet with IBM, but they thought the way to measure software was the amount of code we wrote, when really the better the software, the fewer lines of code." - Bill Gates "The thing has all the elegance of COBOL combined with all the mindset of Java." - Ivan Krstic "If you want to be a programmer and if you don't know Lisp, you're missing out on something. The sad part is - most people do not even realize this." - Sriram Krishnan "I decided to try out Ruby to solve my problem. So I wrote a little code and all of a sudden I discovered that I was done." - Anonymous "In a language with pointers it is unlikely that a new programmer will ever get far enough to encounter any of the truly interesting problems" - Ian Bicking "About half of all design patterns out there [...] appear to be ways take perfectly natural design ideas and twist them to fit into someone's static type system: recipes for pounding square pegs into round holes" - Steve Yegge "Well, take it from an old hand: the only reason it would be easier to program in C is that you can't easily express complex problems in C, so you don't." - Erik Naggum (in comp.lang.lisp) "If everyone's going to reinvent a wheel, we might as well just provide the damn wheel as part of the stock system" - Dan Sugalski "Please don't fall into the trap of believing that I am terribly dogmatical about [the goto statement]. I have the uncomfortable feeling that others are making a religion out of it, as if the conceptual problems of programming could be solved by a single trick, by a simple form of coding discipline!" -- Edsger Dijkstra "XML is not a language in the sense of a programming language any more than sketches on a napkin are a language." -- Charles Simonyi "The object-oriented model makes it easy to build up programs by accretion. What this often means, in practice, is that it provides a structured way to write spaghetti code." -- Paul Graham "[The BLINK tag in HTML] was a joke, okay? If we thought it would actually be used, we wouldn't have written it!" -- Mark Andreessen "If we wish to count lines of code, we should not regard them as lines produced but as lines spent." -- Edsger Dijkstra "You can either have software quality or you can have pointer arithmetic, but you cannot have both at the same time." -- Bertrand Meyer "Objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories: those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost." -- Russell Baker "If Python was the result of Lisp and C++ having a baby, Ruby is the result of Perl and Smalltalk having a baby." -- MeowMeow Jones, 11/8/2001 on slashdot. "Ah, the "Birds fly. Except penguins, kiwis, ostriches,.." problem" -- Hugh Eng "C for Sinking, Java for Drinking, Smalltalk for Thinking. ...and Power to the Penguin!" -- Travis Griggs "C++: The power, elegance and simplicity of a hand grenade." "I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind." -- Alan Kay "There are only two things wrong with C++: The initial concept and the implementation." -- Bertrand Meyer "The thing that I really hate about Smalltalk, though, is the fact that every time I wish C++ or Java did something differently it turns out that Smalltalk does it the way I want it to. I've never even used Smalltalk on a real project. I just learned it so that I could read source code, now I keep running into things that would be easier if I were using it. It's really annoying." -- Phil Goodwin "I like how you conveniently gloss over the part where your head explodes." -- cjeris "I can only believe that Java is a conspiracy perpetrated by keyboard manufacturers" -- mwc "Haskell is so strict about type safety that randomly generated snippets of code that successfully typecheck are likely to do something useful, even if you've no idea what that useful thing is." -- sigfpe "Lisp is still #1 for key algorithmic techniques such as recursion and condescension." -- Verity Stob "Take Lisp, you know it's the most beautiful language in the world -- at least up until Haskell came along." -- Larry Wall "I should probably just type up the problem specification in Haskell and click compile. Funny how that seems to yield the answer" -- edwardk "I recommend seeing if people have a major problem, then pouring concrete on them, and implementing what you want anyway" -- SyntaxNinja "The way we can tell it's C# instead of Haskell is because it's nine lines instead of two." -- wadler "I'm in your base hacking all your lambdas" -- robreim "[dons] then again, bots themselves are simple. [xerox] '...they are just a morphism in the category of IRC channels together with an endomapping ...'" -- xerox "I imagine XSLT programmers say 'It's a one pager' the way most other programmers say 'It's a one liner'" -- darius "After a long and careful analysis the results are clear: 11 out of 10 people can't handle threads." -- Todd Hoff "If a graph is reduced in a forest, and no one is around to pattern match the resulting WHNF, does it cause a space leak?" -- bd "Brain explosion is like a traditional pasttime in #haskell" -- nmessenger "Programing in haskell seems a bit frustrating. i'm missing searching for errors :(" -- huschi "Think of a monad as a spacesuite full of nuclear waste in the ocean next to a container of apples. now, you can't put oranges in the space suite or the nucelar waste falls in the ocean, *but* the apples are carried around anyway, and you just take what you need." -- dons "Within C++, there is a much smaller and cleaner language struggling to get out." -- Bjarne Stroustrup "dons law: if you have a bug, you are missing a QC property" -- dons "m a -> (a -> m b) -> m b is much more to the point than 'mumble computation mumble computation'" -- monochrom "There's a time when your brain doesn't get the monads. Then something violent and irreversable happens and you hate every other language for not having monads" -- mwc "Some people claim everything is lisp. One time I was eating some spaghetti and someone came by and said: 'Hey, nice lisp dialect you're hacking in there'" -- ray "Damn it! Haskell pseudo code is indistinguishable from actual code" -- roconnor "C? isn't that some low-level language that compilers output to?" -- stepcut "Why does the haskell webpage link to 'research papers' under the 'getting started' section?" -- wkh "Si on me donne que des trèfles au poker je peux me poser des questions sur le jeu de carte. -- DMSilencer Sauf si on te dis que toute carte tirée autre qu'un trèfle provoquerait ta mort immédiate, avant même que tu ne la retournes. Avec cette information, tu ne t'étonnes plus que toute les cartes que tu retournes soient des trèfles." -- Gilgamesh d'Uruk "So, `bind' is `let' and monadic programming is equivalent to programming in the A-normal form. That is indeed all there is to monads" -- Oleg K "Premature evil is the root of all optimization" -- kc5tja "Remember, kids: if you program in a language with side effects, the terrorists win." -- Tommah "Comments are for people who can't sense what their code does from the indentation" -- ndm "Any sufficiently large test suite for a program written in a dynamic language will contain an ad-hoc, informally-specified, bug-ridden, slow, patchy implementation of half of the Haskell type system" -- Smith's Law "I think the key hook that allowed me to pass interview #2 was that I put the word 'Haskell' on my resume." -- pshaw "Fear leads to uncertainty. Uncertainty leads to doubt. Doubt leads to theorem proving." -- monochrom "Let me start by being perfectly clear: if you are a professional programmer, then Haskell is in your future." -- Adam Turoff "In the end, I think that strong types is only one thing that makes Haskell programs work after compilation. The other ones are higher-order functions and *purity*. No type system can achieve what purity offers." -- Apfelmus "So the key difference here is that I think GoF is extremely valuable as toilet paper if you get stuck in the bush unprepared, where you seem to think the words in it have some kind of value towards software development." -- Tony Morris "Inheritance? Inheritance is broken, anyway" -- Cale "I dread to think what category theory would look like after the software engineering world had got their grubby paws on it. Enterprise variant functors. Commutative UML diagrams." -- DRMacIver "We can't be totally sure, though. There might be some value of 1 that wasn't checked." -- Olathe "Haskell already has enterprise monads; there is a fail method." -- augustss "Haskell mainly helps with my C++ template coding when I'm doing money oriented programming" -- fnord123 "what happens in the monad... stays in the monad..." -- SamB "Friends don't let friends write in COBOL." -- Brent Yorgey "For me, the heart of functional programming is exactly this separation between model and presentation. The former is naturally functional and compositional, while the latter is often imperative/sequential and not-so-compositional. IO belongs with the latter." -- Conal "If all you know is C, everything begins to look like a segmentation fault." -- disspy "Ah yes, Haskell. Where all the types are strong, all the men carry arrows, and all the children are above average." -- markedtrees "Haskell's type system is really nice, for example, but OCaml's really feels like half of it exists just to cover up holes in the other half" -- ola-bini vi has two modes, "beep repeatedly" and "break everything." "It doesn't entirely help that SQL is a series of broken standards layered over very poor decisions by large corporations" -- quicksilver Warsaw's First Law: The Rule of Estimate Accuracy Insurance When making a time estimate for any programming task, make your best formalized guess, then multiply by two and bump it up a unit. E.g. "I think it will take me three days to hack in those changes to the frobnicator"; My official estimate: 6 weeks. Warsaw's Second Law: Unbending Law of Commit Scheduling Never change anything after 3pm on a Friday. Corollary to Warsaw's Second Law If you do change anything after 3pm on Friday, you will break it, and thus end up fixing it for the entire weekend. You will probably not be able to sleep, and if you do fall asleep, you will dream about the breakage. On Monday morning, you will fix the problem in five minutes. Warsaw's Third Law: Law of Software in a Vacuum All software sucks. Make sure yours sucks less. Warsaw's Fourth Law: The Law of Pinball Machine Instructions It doesn't matter a whit if the instructions are printed clearly for all to see, nobody will read them. They'll just drop their quarters and start pushing buttons like a Tommy. Software is the same. Warsaw's Fifth Law: A Rose By Any Other Name (a.k.a the Pink Floyd Rule) All names are stupid until you become rich and famous with it. "mathematicians. can't live with 'em, can't prove 'em wrong." -- luqui "YO DAWG I HEARD YOU LIKE METACIRCULARITY SO WE PUT AN INTERPRETER IN YOUR INTERPRETER SO YOU CAN RUN CODE WHILE YOU RUN CODE" -- mauke "tuples are proof that haskell is inherently broken and will never work." -- lament "partially applied type synonym = type lambdas = unrestricted type functions = can of pants" -- quicksilver "TDD replaces a type checker in Ruby in the same way that a strong drink replaces sorrows." -- byorgey "It's all fun and games until somebody loses an IOVar." -- cjb "Haskell, the world's leading purely fictional programming language" -- Anonymous "2009: The Year of the Combinatorial Explosion of Haskell Web Frameworks. Also, the Linux Desktop." -- ehird "XSLT is only the answer when the question is "XSLT or death by anal dynamiting?"... Even then it may be worth first contemplating your answer." -- icey "After a bit more delving, I've come to see the power of haskell at last. You have to treat functions like crap, forget about the C idea that they're 'big things'. They're not." -- nikki93 "Do not try to change the state; that's impossible. Instead only try to realize the truth: There is no state." -- MonadState "Those who would give up essential laziness for a little ephemeral performance, deserve neither laziness nor performance." -- Baughn "Crummy languages give static types a bad name." -- bos "Java is a DSL for taking large XML files and converting them to stack traces" -- @avalanche123 "90% of coding is debugging. The other 10% is writing bugs" -- Bram Cohen Life is full of opportunities to shut the fuck up. — SerialMonogamist Jesus Christ, I'm so fucking sick of Android. -- Peter Paul Koch Being constantly subjected to something makes you somewhat immune to it, like Brits and misery. -- Craspology If they ask you about fun, you tell them – fun is a filthy parasite — Greir Only two things grow for the sake of growth: businesses and tumors. Ruby's role in the world is to make every stupid mistake made by Perl, twenty years after Perl already made it. — Mark Jason Dominus Small Data is when is fit in RAM. Big Data is when is crash because is not fit in RAM. — DevOps Borat Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. — Sam Levenson “No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away…” ― Terry Pratchett Earth weighs almost exactly pi milliJupiters. "Like performing brain surgery on someone who had a fatal stroke, you know there's no chance of survival but you want to open the head because you like to see the human brain" — medhi I've never understood the compulsion to use Web technologies minus the Web's security and deployment models. It seems a bit like throwing the orange away and eating the peel. — @justinschuh |